Bonedogg40's Rating:

Starring: Farrah and her lovely pair of tatooed man pouncers. God, what I wouldn't do to get me. . . well you know. I expected this tape to have Farrah in her best scenes, but what I got was a jumbled mess of Farrah's shittiest work with fat beaten housewives, band aids, bar sluts where paper bags were in need, and of course. . . gulp. . . mash potatoes.

The first scene wasn't so bad with Farrah and her man glands, Tabitha Stevens and that picture perfect vagina, and Sadie Sexton who is good looking but looks like everyone else. It was a little slow and boring but the quality here was seeing the near perfect pie of Tabitha. In between licking the screen and wishing I was Farrah (not a good moment for me) I had to pause and marvel at her little charm box.

Scene 2 is where I contemplated suicidal actions. This has to be the stupidest scene ever recorded in porn history. A crane couldn't get me up. It's a bar scene in which Farrah and this nasty huge jello power puff girl who's been beaten with the ugly stick, get it on. Kind of. It starts off as the round girl grabs a beer bottle and starts blowing it. She actually gave it head and then gives it to Farrah who looks like she's going to laugh. Laugh? I would've broken the bottle over her fuckin head.

As the woman bends over, and I squelled like someone had just punched me in the nuts, I noticed that the beast had bruises all over her ass. . . ew! How can I get off when you know she was just severly beaten before the shoot. And you know she's a prostitue on her day off. And that's not the jist of it. The scene continues with the fat mess of a woman who dares to try and get off on mash potatoes! Yes, mash potatoes. They jam their tits in the mash potatoes and procede to scream, "mash em, mash em. " Holy god I was laughing so hard.

The rest of the movie consists of Mark Davis pounding away at Farrah by the pool, which I found out something interesting about her. A little sex secret maybe. Farrah holds her breath when the men take her for a ride. She holds it then lets it out quickly, kind of like she's trying not to sneeze. Kind of weird, but it just makes me hornier for her. I don't know. Also, I think Farrah farts in this scene, but not out of her bum. Now I don't know for anyone else but I think that was the first time I've ever heard of a porno star belching out of the wrong end. I always wondered why I got the girlfriends who popped away when we did it and it perplexed me. Now it is clear, that every woman must pop sometime, somewhere. It just made me laugh is all.

Another lesbian scene is with some girl and is the slowest, most boring lesbo scene ever. Seriously. It looked like two retards trying to be romantic. You could fast forward the scene and it would look like its running in normal play. And I think Yanni is playing in the backround. Yeah, that long haired Tom Selleck guy who plays the piano. I swear, if that isn't the lamest soundtrack to put in porn, I don't know what is. What happened to the good old bass popping porn music of the seventy and eightys, that shit was tight. Yanni can't play porn, James Brown can play porn, get that romantic fairy out of there. Yanni. . . shit!

Other lesbo action contained farrah and two other little nastys. Once again, there was a band aid on one of the chicks ass (not the same girl). What's happening behind the camera's to these girls? This scene sucked because again it was all slow and shit like they were in love with each other or something. The director needed to shock them with a tazor to get them going like they do to the bulls at rodeos. One girl has a huge pussy which is kind of fun to look at. You just know she can pop out babies on command or something. That was the highlight to this piece.

One more guy scene with Farrah which is farely good. This is good for one reason. The reason is because it's something that every guy would like to do. Grab her from whatever their doing and expect instant pleasure. That's reality man, that's what guys want to see, not two girls throwing mash potatoes on each screaming "mash em, mash em. " Well maybe. A good cum shot finishes the scene.

The next to the last scene is Ruby with Farrah. It's ok nothing great. Farrah takes it up the poo hole from Rubys dildo. Good girl. The last scene you'd think there would be fireworks, something good, maybe exciting. . . no. . . no. . . no. . . not at all. It's another boring lesbo scene. God I can't believe I'm saying that two girls licking each other was boring, but hey, us twisted porn freaks need some originality , wow us, do something new. Hand Farrah out as candy to some kids for Halloween, let the kids get a feel. Dress her up in Christmas lights and plug that shit in. Give us something good, something, just don't give us mash potatoes with fat nasty band aid wearing nastys. "Mash em, mash em" they screamed! Oh god that was funny.

Production. . . production. . . in one scene the only single "production" there was was with a single red light. That red light was supposed to get me off while watching fat injured ladies swarm and attack my Farrah. . . production you say. . . ha

At times slow and boring, but since this is a compilation of a lot of her movies it kind of picked up, no wait. . . I'm lying. . . everything fuckin sucked. Give me the shit award. . . I picked a winner. Here's your rating to this crap, my finger, ta da, my finger.

Just seeing the woman that accompanys my dreams and the woman I jack off too. I like Farrah despite my evil towards this movie.

I no longer like mash potatoes or band aids. But I find big vaginas interesting now.

I'm going on a good 10, yes that's exactly what it deserved. . . oh wait. . . sorry. . . 0. . there you go.

Posted By Bonedogg40, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM