Kazmeyer's Rating:

Starring: By the credits, we have Meridian, Lennox, Candy Hill, Porsche, Kira, Morgan Le Feye, and Jazz. This video is about super-secret agent Johnny Toxic, who looks for all the world like the drummer of a ska band that nobody likes. There's a story to this video, but it is completely obscured by atrocious acting, dumb dialogue, and hideous MTV camera work. More on this later. Before the credits we get a brief intro with Johnny and Lennox. Lennox looks very, very nice, so of course it's cut short before it gets interesting.
After wading through a bunch of incomprehensible cuts and flashes of various "cool" secret- agent-like stuff, we see Johnny making a rendezvous with Meridian in a red sportscar. He takes her into a warehouse, where we're forced to suffer through a really annoying voice over that I FF'ed through. Something about "be on the lookout for the toxic team". . . yecch. Meridian shows herself off to the camera, and she actually looks halfway good here in all black and shades. . . but it's a motif that gets overdone very badly in this movie. They go out to anearby rooftop and the action begins, with some mediocre oral work before they move through various uncomfortable looking positions. The camera operator is obviously in need of ritalin, given his tendency to pan away from the action and take random shots of the skyline. The anal work here is decent, but the soundtrack covers up most of the sound. No facial, either.
Next, we see two light-skinned black women, listed as "agent 69" and "agent pussy brown". Yeah, I'm not making this up. After some more dialogue, they meet up with Johnny and the three of them head off to a secluded office to do the nasty. This scene isn't that great, either. . . both girls are decent looking, and the action is passable, but the usual camera work and crap dialogue keeps reminding us that this is "a Toxi Production!" This scene is also very long, with the performers switching off again and again and again. Johnny delivers a weak facial and leaves the girls to continue on their own.
Next, we see Morgan, a rather typical California blonde, taking on Johnny in an old ellevator. This one's actually a fairly hot scene. . . Morgan definitely knows what she's doing, does some great oral work, and does anal eagerly. But the scene suffers from the same lousy camerawork and the same excessive length. And the first half of the scene is drowned out by lousy metal and hip-hop music. No facial here, either. Next, we go back to the scene with Lennox. . . finally, a good one, right? NO! It progresses about a minute longer, and just as they start to get serious, "to be continued in action man part 2". I don't think so.

Awful. Hideous. I can't find words to describe it. The director (if there is one) obviously grew up on MTV, as the camera rarely focuses on any one object for more than three seconds. The scenes are disjointed and make no sense whatsoever. Several scenes are interrupted, or we're given "tease" shots of girls that are never capitalized on. There are lots of visual effects that are completelyunnecessary. The dialogue is really bad, and Johnny doesn't even try to sound like anything other than a guy on weed. Most of the scenes are drowned out by hideous music.

This movie had several scenes which could have been hot - but the direction, camera work, and sound turned them into bad music videos. The best bet would have to be Morgan, as the elevator scene is the least marred by bad direction. I would have loved to see more of Lennox, but her screen time is just under four minutes.

That it ended.

Damn near everything else.

This is not the way to make a good porn flick. This is a good way to test for epilepsy and motion sickness. This one lands a 2, and I'm being nice about that. If this had been re-shot with the same girls, contiguous scenes, better camera work, no music, and a different guy, this could have scored much, much higher. Unless for some reason you like being bewildered, skip this one.

Posted By Kazmeyer, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM