Roger's Rating:

When I reviewed this movie on video a couple of years back, I wasn't as overly impressed as I thought I would be. While I haven't gone back to read exactly what was missing, I have to admit that I am a bit befuddled. I've always been high on Nic Cramer's work, and how could anything with the incredible Dina Jewel not be a favorite of mine? So, rather than compare notes with my old review, I am going to start over with this DVD and see how OSS strikes me now. With one of the biggest budgets in the history of porn to work with, and a cast filled with some of Europe's hottest porn stars, it would only be fair to expect a lot from Cramer this time around. The overwrought title sequence points to a high end porn adventure and Dina Jewel's Bond Girl act points to some high sexy heat.

We begin with a mysterious meeting in a dark parking garage as Dina Jewel, (looking ravishing by the way) is ordered to get a team together for a job. Her first recruit, Leon actually says no at first. She urges him to 'remember Paris? and in a flash we are in a hotel room with the young Ms. Jewel being enjoyed by her eager male companion. Dina looks fantastic and sucks dick like a wet dream. Somehow the soft music and romantic overtones of the scene just don't fit with the wild way Dina rides his rod. (Romanticize it all you want Leon, but you were just getting the best piece of ass of your life.) Could Dina look any hotter? I swear, breasts like these are absolute proof of two things. First, that there is a God and second, that he loves men. Do be careful though, watching Dina take it doggy style for too long, may cause some of you to fall hopelessly in love with this incredible creature. His cumshot ends up in his fist and obscured by shadow, but Dina manages to save some heat by licking cum from his cock for a while after the pop.

With the first member of her team in place, Dina gathers the others without any sexy flashbacks. Cramer seems to enjoy showing off the weapons and explosives his cast gets to play with. Our story takes a few turns, but let's cut to the chase. Dina's job is to follow a wealthy man on a cruise and steal a disc that will allow her boss to break into the International Banking System. We're already in the twenty fifth minute of the film and have yet to get our second glimpse of sexual action. On one hand, that's an awfully long to wait. On the other, give Cramer credit for sticking with his story and not throwing in some stupid, unrelated sex scene just to keep up his quota.

Wisely, the rich man likes to make sure his cruises are packed with hot models which not only gives up a lot to look at, but it also makes Dina fit in better. In her search for the captain, the gorgeous Ms. Jewel enlists the 'help' of a couple of ship workers. They go from cleaning to having their cocks sucked in nanoseconds. (Talk about the sexual equivalent of winning the lotto.) As they slowly strip her naked, the guys get a taste of her incredible flesh. I swear, Dina has one of the most genetically perfect bodies to ever bless mankind. When she gets down between them and starts sucking both of their cocks, it's a sight worth the long wait. I only wish it had lasted longer. She does keep one of them in her mouth while the second guy enters her shaved slit from behind. Thankfully, Dina fucks as good as she looks, grinding her hips up and down on a hard cock while stroking the other. Check out the way her tits move as she rides. This is why the real thing beats the best fakes anytime. (And yes LT, you can quote me on that.) Finally, she takes two big loads of cum on her face and across her awesome rack. At the risk of sounding redundant, the word perfection comes to mind.

On the road to meet the ship, the van carrying the models is intercepted and some hot looking terrorist babes take their place. Meanwhile, the hotties already on the boat are getting a bit overheated. A lovely trio, one blonde, one brunette and one redhead go from applying suntan oil on each other to luring a horny bodyguard into an act of debauchery. No convincing needed for this guy to sample all three enticing flavors. The brunette may be the prettiest and the redhead has an incredible pair of breasts, but there is a slut next door quality about the blonde that I find totally appealing. She is the first to get his cock into her mouth and I think if I were that guy, I would be more than happy to just let her keep right on going until she has swallowed every ounce of gonad Gatorade I could produce. More fair that I, he lets all three girls get a taste of his cock before choosing which pussy to enter first. (And what man hasn't dreamed of having to make choices like this?) Red gets it first from behind, but blondie is right underneath her, with clearly the best looking pussy in the bunch. Damn, that's a tight and tasting looking treat. Eventually, he gets around to filling that gorgeous ass, fucking her silly on the deck of the ship. Her snug snatch works a load from this guy that he deposits on her tight little belly.

Just as the passengers are being let on board (Apparently this is a public cruise.) two of the bodyguards nab a suspicious looking character. While he is locked up below, another unlikely hero, Ivy (Who was one of the models) overhears Dina setting the final stages of the plan in motion. None of that really matters yet however, because the rich guy is about to receive his birthday surprise, a sexy show put on by a quartet of hotties. The women dance around, stripping and rubbing each other down for his enjoyment. (And ours.) Thankfully, they do a lot more than just dance. As the first two women start sucking his cock, I have to say the lighting is more than a bit annoying. (Yeah, I know, very mainstream and different, but still.) Sharing the wealth, the rich man has the women split into two pair so that they can all get fucked. The action is fast and furious, so it's hard at times to tell who is doing what to who, but it's all good. After all, if you had a quartet of models fucking and sucking, would you be all that worried about just which pussy you were pounding? If the lighting is less than optimal, the action is first rate, with plenty of close up anal fucking and some very pretty faces coated in nad nugget.

The team of terrorists finally make their move, taking the ship with little difficulty. In fact, only the stow away and Ivy remain out of the control of the well trained group of bad guys. The plot moves forward, cementing the baddies hold on the ship and setting up a confrontation with our two heroes. Before we there however, we have some more sex scenes to enjoy. When three of the terrorists get overheated working on the engine, it's time for a little three way fuck below deck. I don't know how many women this hot can fix and engine and shoot to kill, but such is the wonderful world of porn reality. These two cover girls sure know how to suck cock, especially the redhead. Her blonde friend has a slight edge in the body department, but red has got one seriously pretty pussy and a face made for spooge target practice. The scene is fast and furious, but these ladies are worth a look.

With the enemy somewhat distracted it's time for the good guys to start raising some hell. (Why is this starting to feel like a Ken Follett novel?) The thrill of the chase finally overcomes Ivy and our hero. With the bad guys closing in, they take the time to have a quick fuck in one of the control rooms. Though Ivy is hot looking, the scene just doesn't seem to fit. In fact, there isn't even a cumshot.

Somehow Ivy ends up captured and is quick to use her charms to regain the upper hand. Left alone with one of the terrorists, (The one who so easily gave in when Dina reminded him of their past.) she gives him a good look at her incredibly sexy legs. Elsewhere on the ship, one of the other terrorists finds his new captives (the rich dude's daughters from the deck scene earlier.) more than a little entertaining. It quickly becomes a sexual free for all with the cute blonde and Dina Jewel stealing some incredible sexual moments in spite the frenzied action. With both these women so fun to watch, I do wish they hadn't been buried in a sea of sexual mayhem, but still, it's hard not to like this many hot women all being fucked at the same time. Add the cut away scene with Ivy seducing then fucking her way out of trouble to the mix and you have an awesome, if somewhat disjointed double dose of horny fun. Dina's reverse cowgirl is a sexual work of art and the little blonde slutlet riding RCA isn't too far behind. This little girl can bounce her butt up and down on a rod like a world class hose beast.

Ivy is getting her share as well. The terrorist finally gets up the never to molest her perfect breasts. Finding no resistance, he decides to feed her some dick. In order to catch up to the other scene, things progress a tad too quickly, but soon they are fucking with all the frantic energy of the orgy below. The lucky guy with the little blonde has discovered that her shaved pussy is quite slam-able from any angle. I'd have rather seen this action in a more naturally lit setting, but the hot facial across three young mugs is pretty sweet any way you stack it. Ivy really works it from above, dropping her full weight on this guy's shaft and grinding her lovely hips on him. He gives the hostage some anal and then finishes her off with a nice shot across her cover girl face. (Love the way Ivy laps up every drop.

The sex now done, it's time for Cramer to wrap up his big budget film in wonderfully atypical fashion. A chase, a knife fight, some gun play, a cat fight and even some explosions. (Finally a porn film that brings together man's two passions, chicks and shit that blows up.) Looking at this movie on DVD, it is even more impressive. The picture quality is very good and all of the big budget tricks work in ways that many mainstream B movies can only hope for. Dina Jewel is the single best reason to watch this movie. (And one could argue, she is the single best reason for heterosexuality.) Her two early scenes are the best in the movie and I do wish we had seen more of her in action. Look, Cramer's strength is not in his sex. However, in this movie, the sex is hot and so are the women. It may not be stroker's paradise, but it's pretty close. I don't know if I would call it a couples friendly film, unless your woman is into guns and things that go boom in between girls who go down. However, as a big budget/action/porn, Operation Sex Siege truly is in a class by itself.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM