Roger's Rating:

Wow, checking out that cast list, they should have called this thing "Beauty and the Beasts." Kaitlyn, 5 unwatchably ugly women and eight men who will never steal babes away from Brad Pitt. We all know how I feel about Kaitlyn, and she is the reason I grabbed this video, but the rest of these anal contestants look like what is left in a bar after closing.

The interview footage with Ron is pretty fun. Say what you want about the Hedgehog, but he is really great at this sort of thing, M.C.ing and getting the girls to talk about the upcoming contest. Things are very simple, it’s an anal contest, what more do we need to say? They pick names from a bowl to see who fucks who.

The first pair of contestants are Nicole London and Guy Disilva. Nicole is so pale she nearly blinds the camera and dives right down on Guy’s C**K. Have to give her credit for being eager, but little else. I just don’t find her attractive, and the wham bam style allows for no real build up in heat. First thing we know, Nicole is getting fucked in her ass. At least until his D**K goes limp. Not that Guy has a lot to work with, but this scene dies a painful, ugly death.

Mila and Dave Hardman are up next, and while Mila is not exactly ugly, she is one of the scariest women I have ever seen. She has one of the most visibly loose pussies and assholes I have ever seen, and I’m sorry, that just looks nasty. (Shoving the bottle of lube her ass sort of proves she don’t need any, doesn’t it Sparky?) While I usually love dirty talk, whenever this bleach blonde opens her mouth, she sounds like an escaped mental patient trying way to hard to sound like a bad phone sex operator. And for the love of all that is hot and sexy, someone stop this disgusting slag from spitting all over the place. Turn off the sprinklers honey. Apparently her whore on crack act doesn’t work for Dave either, because this reliable stud has a devil of a time shoving his marshmallow into her coinbox. Someone pull the plug and put Rog out of his misery. We never see the anal penetration and after a dribbled facial shot, Dave bitches about the lube and storms off the set. I would have stormed off the minute they said I had to fuck this loser.

While taking a break from the contest, Ron and director Rod Fontana, sample ring girl Kristina. She has a decent body and is not unattractive, but she has little, if any sexual appeal even as she is tossed in between their C**Ks, fucked hither and nither. More bitching about the lube and Rod keeps screaming at her while she grimaces as if in pain. What is the appeal of this sort of crap? She takes some good deep assfucking from Ron and an A2M facial which makes the scene not a total waste of time, but still, this average looking woman could have done better.

Finally, Kaitlyn Ashley graces the screen with Rick Masters for their butt banging bonanza. Fresh on the comeback trail, Kaitlyn looks fit, healthy and happy, which you know brings a smile to Rog’s face, and a tent to his shorts. The oral sex is painfully too short, which is the style of this video, but Kaitlyn brings so much energy to her fucking that it more than makes up for that problem. Once again, the anal comes too fast, but it is intense and absolutely the best thing in this video. Three wild positions later, (With plenty of close ups for those of you who like them) Rick unloads all over Kaitlyn’s sweat streaked face. Not her best scene, but far and away the hottest thing on this tape.

Montana Gunn and Steve Hatcher go next, and this time he is the extremely ugly one. Montana is not too bad, but having to listen to this genetic reject spew out his verbal abuse and spit on her makes me understand the fucked up psychology of bulimia. Memo to any CIA guys reading this. Want to torture someone? Make them watch Steve Hatcher fuck some poor woman. Guess what? Montana gets her ass fucked in about five positions before the mandatory and not a moment too soon facial signaling the merciful end to this dreadful scene. What a waste of Montana Gunn’s already limited appeal.

Liza Harper is next, and she is even less attractive than Mila and nearly as disgusting. Add to that, the fact that she is paired with D**K Nasty and you have a nearly perfect zero charisma score scene. (Quick, anyone who gets that reference, respond.) What is truly vominous here is watching Liza nearly fist her own ass. Her hole gapes so badly, he can spit down into it. Besides being absolutely repulsive to look at, there is no way that is healthy. After that, one has to wonder if she can even feel his C**K in her butt. Someone explain the appeal of watching a woman who could drive a truck up her ass, get fucked? Oh, and this time, no cum shot at all.

To finish things off, they bring all the girls back for a final orgy. Oh fucking great, an orgy with five unappealing women and Kaitlyn that is poorly shot, poorly lit and has really bad disco music dubbed over it. There are short glimpses of Kaitlyn doing her best to save this mess, however, I have to curse her for that, because had she not been in it, I would have been mercifully spared watching Mila shit a load of cum out of her medically damaged rectum into her hand and eat it. Fucking sick, someone pass me a barf bag.

When that mess is over, who wins? Kaitlyn does of course. Miss Anal Queen is yet another award to add to her shelf. This may be the only thing in this video that is not a complete waste of time. At least we get to see her facial again. Very rarely to I blast a video this hard, but with the exception of Kaitlyn, the cast ranges from moderately attractive to downright ugly. Most of the guys have tremendous wood problems. The action is poorly shot, poorly lit and the combination of Mila’s stomach churning act presence and Liza Harper’s ridiculously damaged anal cavity, the impulse to shut the whole thing off and do anything else was as overwhelming as the taste of bile.

Watch it for Kaitlyn because she single handedly saves this otherwise completely unwatchable video.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM