Roger's Rating:

I have to confess that when I first heard that someone was doing a XXX rated version of the MTV reality show "The Osbournes" I cringed. The idea of porn once again taking a mainstream title, getting cheeky with it to peak out interest and then fucking it up was just too depressing to imagine. Then I got the PR box from VCA and found out something interesting. This latest mainstream spoof is being directed by Antonio Passolini. I have really enjoyed his other movies and his somewhat twisted view of the world should make this a fun venture. Barry Wood in a long wig and mumbling his way through hilarious dialog is bound to be pretty damn hilarious. (Though I don't think any script writer could come up with anything as funny as the stuff that comes in Ozzy's mouth naturally.) Passolini wisely cast Tina Tyler as Izzy's wife even if it's a non-sex role. Tina is one of the best actresses in all of porn and won't screw up whatever witty dialog there is.

After some getting to know you dialog from the two parents, we meet the first of Izzy's kids. I'm not sure if it's Pat Myne or Cheyne Collins, but they wake up in bed together. Before you can even snicker at that, Nikita Denise pops up and offers a replay of last night. I guess Pat could be the rich kid because he gets the first blowjob. Both guys eventually get in on the action as Nikita shows why she is one of the hottest women in the business. She deep throats these guys without even the slightest effort. When Pat is pounding away from behind, Nikita is talking dirty and telling him to slap her ass. Cheyne gets to do omroe than that to her butt. She slips his cock inside and slams away while she's moaning around Pat's pud. Leaning back with cock in her ass, Nikita takes a second rod right in the twat for some very energetic DP action. They both shoot a big loads all over her face. This is a great feature sex scene. (though the rapid fire cutting kind of fucks up the post pop footage of her cream streaked face.)

Izzy has a daughter as well and she's also into raising some sexual hell now and then. Tawney Roberts is the daughter and she's got Tanya Danielle and Calli Cox in her room. These three start right off licking pussy and just don't stop. Calli gets plugged hard with a vibrator and then wears a strap on for Tawney to enjoy. The toy play in this scene is great.

Things are so out of control in the house that Izzy doesn't even know that they are shooting porno in the living room. He is shocked at first, but grabs the camera and captures a four way between Samantha Sterlyng, Aria, Marty Romano and Steve Hatcher. Both women give enthusiastic performances, especially Samantha who manages to pretend she likes boning Hatch. I love the way she throws her legs up in the air to really give us a show. Aria is a girl I've seen a lot lately and she just doesn't do much for me. After some hot vag fucking, both women go for anal. Sam squats on Hatcher's cock and goes for broke. Nice facials here, especially the big load that lands on Aria's mug.

Izzy is still pissed off that his son has chosen porn as a career. He confronts the lad and the two porn stars he has in his room. When the dialog is over, Izzy leaves the room and Cheyne gets to sample the goods. Chloe drops right to her knees and starts sucking both dicks. With everyone warmed up, she goes to the floor where Kyle slams her pussy and Cheyne keeps feeding her meat. The only time she stops sucking is when she cums, bucking so hard, Kyle can barely keep his dick buried in that hot box. The guys switch places and and everyone keeps the energy level high. Chloe really looks good these days, tight from head to toe and quite pretty. To really try her out, Cheyne anchors some DP that let's Chloe show him why she's one of the top women in the biz. They shoot their loads onto her face. If she didn't already have the part, I'd say Chloe earned it with this performance.

Izzy's daughter has a thing for a local white rapper. She digs him, but needs daddy distracted by personal assistant Sindee Coxx. Sindee agrees, leaving Tawney feel free to play with Rick. Even she gets sick of his white boy rap and demands that he shut up and eat her pussy. Tawney spreads those long legs, but doesn't keep Rick down there for very long. She wants to get a taste of his thin member and does a really nice job sucking him off. He slips a rubber on and starts fucking her aching slit. She stands up and bends over to give him easy access to her ass. Tawney really works hard when she's on top, pumping his prick with her ass until he explodes all over her face.

That just leaves Izzy, who is alone with Sindee now. She's in this sexy black leather thing and ready to light him up. It's been a while since I've seen Barry in a scene, but his hard dick slides easily down Sindee's throat. She mostly does veggie stuff these days, but still knows how to suck a cock when she needs to. She slips out of her clothes, leaving on the knee high boots and starts squat fucking him. They go back to a 69 where she deep swallows and grinds her twat into his face. After a quick doggy, he pulls out and drops a load all over her face.

Like the MTV show this feature is based on, The Ozporns is essentially a single joke venture. Barry Wood does a really nice job of impersonating a drugged out ex-rockstar and his dialog is worth more than a few chuckles. Tina Tyler carries the rest of the dialog quite nicely as Izzy's deluded wife. This really is a lot simpler than many other Passolini movies. In some ways that a good thing. The sex in Ozporns is very straight forward and well shot. Chloe turns in a very hot DP scene as does Nikita Denise. VCA babe Tawney Roberts has a couple of nice scenes as well. I would like to have seen Calli Cox used better, but overall the scenes are pretty hot. Mark this one down as one of the best comedies of the year.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM