For those of you who have always wondered what it's like to be in attendance at the annual AVN awards, you have a few options. You can let your imagination run wild, dreaming of a wall to wall orgy with little golden statues. You can read one of my less thrilling first hand accounts of the event. Or, you could just watch VCA' filmed version of the event. Since I was there, I can tell you that you're actually going to see a lot more than we did. This version has little clips from the winning movies. (Yeah, but the home viewer doesn't get to buy eight dollar drinks and take home a free bottle of lube.)

We start out with Chi-Chi LaRue doing a little fashion review. If that seems a little odd, just remember Joan Rivers and her no-talent daughter taking pot shots at thousand dollar gowns on Oscar night. See, somehow a gigantic drag queen pointing out porn style faux pau doesn't seems like such a bad idea. He's not nearly as catty as Joan, but it's worth a laugh or two.

Jenna Jameson is the host and seems to struggle a bit with the badly written lines on her cue card. After they win the award for best couples sex scene, Sydnee Steele and Bobby Vitale star in the first clip of the night. I didn't see the movie "Facade" from Vivid, so this is the first time I've actually had to view this scene. What makes this one any better than all the others? What makes it the best couples scene? I don't know. I don't see any slow motion and to be fair, this is call sliced to shit, so it's hard to say what it looked like the first time around. As always, Sydnee gives an energetic performance. Inari Vachs and Lexington Steele also show up in an abbreviated clip from their "West Side" tryst. (I really need to talk to Video Team about screeners.)

Most of the clips are too short to really stand up as whacking material, though many of you will want to watch with a notebook so you know what movies to check out next time. Melody Love does show up and get fucked long enough to get things stirring a big and her facial is pretty fucking hot. (From Chica Boom-Best Ethnic Series.)

Sydnee Steele and Jewel De'Nyle show up for a best all-girl sex scene (From Dark Angels) then finger each other in the clip. Another pretentious piece of crap, Les Vampires gets the other all-veggie award, reminding me why I chose this segment of the awards to go get another drink and take a leak.

Dreamquest takes home the award for best renting and best selling tape of the year. Wicked also cleans up with another Best Comedy award for M-Caught in the Act. (Miko Lee's anal makes for a hot clip.)

Kylie Ireland shows up in a pretty hot wedding dress mini-bang from the best DVD winner, Raw. A little too much gloss on the lens, but it's still working for me. That contrasts nicely with some hot Rocco footage from one of his Animal Trainer movies.

Wins for Joel Lawrence and Serenity for their acting lead us to scenes from their movies. Joel was really good in Raw, sexually and in the dialog scenes. Ditto with Serenity for in M. Bridgette Kerkove passes her Best Newcommer crown to Tera Patrick. (A room full of blind referees and Florida ballot counters could have predicted that one.) You start to realize about this time that giving out acting awards for film and for video is just another way for AVN to pad the awards a little bit, but hey, it gives us a scene from Evan Stone and Taylor Hayes.

The big awards come at the end of the night, including Male and Female Performer of the Year. Those go to Evan Stone and Jewel De'Nyle. At this point a lot of people in the hall were filing out the door and headed straight from the bar. Those people missed seeing Watchers and Dark Angels pick up the final awards of the evening. (Jessica Drake's dress is more erotic than anything in the latter of those two flicks.)

How much you enjoy this movie is going to depend entirely on what you expect to get out of it. If you have always wanted to see what goes on at AVN Awards Show, then you get the highlights and can see what you have (and haven't) been missing. If you are looking for a typical porn vid, then don't bother. There are some nearly complete scenes here, but mostly it's teasers with the movie trailers thrown in for good measure. Beyond the curiosity factor, this isn't a bad movie to watch as sort of a sampler platter with a partner. From my seat, it's just another reminder of just how obscenely far of these awards were.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06