Roger's Rating:

Ever since I saw the quirky little film ?Being John Malcovich? I've been waiting for the porn version. (Personally, I was thinking that a portal into the mind of America's most loveable Hedgehog, 'Being Ron Jeremy' would have been a great idea.) For those of you who missed the mainstream flick, here is the bottom line. A struggling film maker finds a portal into the mind of whoever is fucking Juli Ashton. The story breakdown at the start of the movie makes it easy to understand, but it sort of feels like we're being spoon fed. It's never a good sign with a porn plot gets so bogged down that the audience gets confused. Hopefully, this is just a different way to open a movie and not an indication of things to come. (I still haven't recovered from 'Taken.')

We open with Charlie Angel and Juli getting it on. They are in full hippie mode, practicing plenty of free love. They kiss an awful lot as they rub each other to full froth. Never afraid to get down and dirty, Juli tongue's Charlie's ass while fucking her with a thick dildo. In returning the favor, Charlie plugs Juli's butt with a toy and enjoys the taste of her juices.

As they finish, we see that Juli and Charlie were shooting a porno movie. (Juli playing a porn star, huge stretch.) Meanwhile, our hero, played by Steve Hatcher, is shooting a movie of his own. He's a first time director shooting a scene between Ron Jeremy and Shawna Sexton. (Clearly he spent all his cash on Ron.) This scene is shot very well, with just enough fumbling around and cheesy additions like candles in the foreground to make it work. Even the fact that Shawna looks like a low end amateur porn chick fits with the idea that Hatch is just starting out. (Though that may not have been an intentional move.) Shawna earns points for a pretty decent blowjob, but not much else.

With his porn career floundering, (He has forgotten to load a tape in the camera) Hatch goes to work for a more established pornographer. Co-workers Tina Tyler and Dee welcome him to the company in a very special way. They have him sit by and watch while Tina explores Dee's perfect body. I don't know, this is already the second veggie encounter of the flick. I never thought I would actually want to see Hatch step in and get his dick wet, but I am finally glad to hear them tell him to go get the condoms.

Instead of finishing this scene, we cut to another porn set where Juli is starring in some sort of twisted, Darkian vision of beauty pageants. The winner, Ms. Ashton of course, strips and starts ramming her pussy full of a long rubber cock. Devin Wolf comes in to finish the scene. He sucks her snatch for a bit, then enters her from behind. (I swear, Veronica Hart has something against on screen blowjobs these days.) In the middle of this rather ordinary scene, Hatcher happens upon the magic portal. Now he's in Devin's mind (Plenty of room there I'll wager.) and looking down as he fucks Juli. After getting to boff her butt, Hatch is elated as he unloads on her pretty face.

Obviously, this portal thing is an E ticket ride. He rushes home to his wife and brings her back to the office. Meanwhile, Juli is in her hot tub, chatting up Mickey G and Lexington Steele. They slide into the water and give Juli a couple of new toys to play with. Steve and Chloe take the trip through the portal, landing in the bodies of the two studs. Chloe ends up in Lex while Steve becomes Mickey. Juli has a great time sucking both dicks, giving us some great POV oral. (Juli sucking Lex is a pretty sight indeed.) They finally move her out of the water, bend her over at the waist and let Lex fuck her from behind. She gets thoroughly fucked at both ends, nicely incorporating water along the way. They end up giving her a tag team DP that ends with two very nicely captured facials. DP, interracial and a sticky face in a feature? Works for me.

The next day at work, Juli is set to shoot a jailhouse scene with Bridgette Kerkove. When Hatcher drops through the portal, he gets to find out what it's like to be a chick. You know what that means, another chick on chick scene. The two blondes enjoy each other and this is another well shot scene, but I am way over my veggie limit for the day. That leaves Bridgette in the hands of Evan Stone. Stuck in the body of a chick, he gets to find out what it feels like to be fucked. Using Bridgette's full lips, he manages to keep Evan mighty happy. When that isn't enough, he rams cock into her pussy. As always, Ms Kerkove gives her all in this scene, taking it deep and hard in both pussy and ass, finally wearing a big load all over her tits.

Juli finds Chloe and Hatch on her set. She's not upset about the portal because she's test marketing it as a new product. (Yeah, that would sell like hotcakes.) All's well that ends well for the happy couple. With Juli's help, they have found their passion for each other and close out the movie with a final boff on her cable TV show set. Chloe turns up the heat for this scene, putting her best effort into a great blowjob. Since they're on a TV set, there are some interesting shots with the banks of monitors in the background, but mostly this is a very energetic scene with Chloe shining. After shooting on her boobs, Hatcher uses a toy to stimulate his wife's ass, making sure she's ready to be a hot little anal slut.

Well, this is an ambitious project to be sure. For the most part, it works. The idea is cute and translates well to porn. Most of the dialog is pretty tight and some of it is even funny. The sex isn't bad, but you have to like Juli Ashton or you're going to get tendonitis of the fast forward thumb. Juli is in just about every scene and does her usual good job. The three way with Mickey and Lex works as does the anal scene with Devin. Naturally, there is WAY too much veggie action for my taste, but anything over one chick on chick scene makes me want to chuck it and go rent a Bruce Seven movie. Nicely shot and clever, this movie works mostly for couples and Juli fans, but has some decent sex to get us through.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM