This month we're going to watch a half dozen Lethal Hardcore flicks and what better place to start than right here. I'm a sucker for great porn titles and this one has to qualify. I honestly don't think I ever watched the TV show, but it certainly opened things up for Porn Valley to make fun of it. Never mind the fact that a parent presenting a list of sexual dos and don'ts is completely disturbing. Let's just enjoy the laugh and have fun with the sexy teens who are ready to perform for us. Most of them are so fresh that I haven't even seen them before. The one exception of course is Tia Tanaka and I can't see her enough these days.

The first daughter to come through the doors is Jeanie Marie. Her momma brings her in and is OK with her working for Stoney, but she has a list of rules to go over. We get to check out her body while mom readies her list. Some of the things on the list of rules are “No anal”, “no swallowing” and “no gagging” (Hey, that last on there sounds like a good fucking idea.) When mom leaves Stoney take a closer look at her thin little body and tight pussy. The guy comes in and within a few seconds he has his cock into that snug little slit. Jeanie is very vocal as he pounds that little hole, but she seems to be a bit of a pillow queen. The rule breaking beings with some pointless and wood-killing gag footage. I can't tell you how boring and disappointing it is to take a decent scene and watch it flushed down the fucking crapper as the guy grabs her head and starts shoving it up and down his dick. (Am I the only one who would laugh himself silly if one of these meatheads actually got seriously hurt by a stray tooth?) Now her dirty talk sounds robotic because she is probably having almost as much fun fucking this guy as she would in the dental chair with no Novocain. They also break mom's no-anal rule during some nice looking piledriver footage. After a quick A2M she rolls onto her side and gets pummeled in spoon. There is some fantastic doggy footage as her skinny little ass gets stretched and totally stuffed with hard meat. They finish with a nice facial. This is a pretty good scene that certainly could have been better.

Aubrey is making out with Talon when her mom comes in with a few pointers. The young girl seems mortified, but mom points out that he is already hard for her. (Well duh) and that if she doesn't suck it properly he might seek pleasure somewhere else. (Too easy) He seems to be fine just shoving his dick into her mouth and telling her to suck his balls while she tries not to gag on it. It is far from a great blowjob, but we do get to watch her jump right into reverse cowgirl. She has a really nice little body so this is pretty good footage. There weren't any rules handed down by mom this time so Talon just smacks her on the ass and pounds away like he's digging tunnels. We get some nice ass shots and her energy doesn't seem to fade like the first girl. Little Aubrey takes a big load right in her mouth like a good slut. Apparently mom has done a good job with this one.

Addison shows up with a list of rules from her mom. Her parents want her to learn how to fuck from a porn star so Stoney puts her together with Nick East. She looks kind of bored as Nick goes over the list, but she also looks nearly felonious. Addison looks like she should be hanging out at the mall, but is very comfortable getting naked and straddling Nick's face. Down on her knees, this little cutie happily sucks a cock that looks as thick as her forearm. (And it isn't like Nick is packing huge meat.) The blowjob ends a bit too early, but is replaced by some very nice looking cowgirl footage as she rides hard. After a few moments of showing off her cute butt, she slides back to the floor and pumps his prick into her hungry mouth. For pure eye candy it is tough to beat the way her pretty little pussy looks being stuffed from behind. Nick works her over and shows her how to take long, solid strokes in a number of porn-friendly positions. (You can't learn this stuff sucking off football players after homeroom eh Addison?) He takes aim at her face and she turns away to take it on the cheek. Though she ducks a bit, Addison makes up for it by sucking the last few drops out of his dong.

Cover girl Adrianna shows up with her dad. She looks cute in pigtails and a tiny little skirt. Some of his rules are pretty funny, but I'm too busy checking out her cute boobs to really care what dear old dad has to say. Stoney sends him on his way and enjoys watching Adrianna shake those natural fun bags. When the meat puppet comes in he goes right after her pussy, fingering and licking it as she rocks her body on the couch. Naked except for her boots, the pigtailed cutie knees and shows us some well-developed oral skills. The eye contact is good and this cutie really has me interested. This busty babe is pretty active during the fucking. He rolls her over and works that pussy from behind. Her ass is also well worth watching as she rides and shoves her tits into his face. Reverse cowgirl gives us great boob shots and I am going to have this girl on a watch list after being mesmerized by her awesome rack. He unloads a nice wad all over her face and hair. Adrianna is really worth watching and this scene will make everyone happy that they picked up this DVD.

Finally we get to Tia Tanaka, the most stroke-worthy babe of the bunch. She is brought in by her creepy step-father Dirty Harry who has a list of rules, but thankfully doesn't want to be the guy who nails this pretty Asian doll. Tia strips in front of him though and shows off a very tight little body. As she spreads her legs and plays with her pussy, Tia asks for some help. With her step-dad watching, she nearly creams from the first lick. By the time Rick Masters puts his dick into her mouth; Harry has his own meat out and can't resist getting some. Sadly he breaks his own rules and she starts quagging like a trained seal. This stupid bullshit continues as Rick fucks her and Harry talks to Tia about how he has been waiting for this for five years and tells her that she sucks his dick better than her mom. (I guess since the quagging has already ruined the scene, we might as well pile on.) It is easy to watch this cute girl go to town, but very tough to listen to something so great become something so lame. Don't get me wrong, this scene is hot with the sound down. Her ass looks great as she rides on Harry's big cock and clearly Tia can take whatever they have to dish out. They finally drop a couple of loads on her pretty face. Personally I am disappointed by this scene because I was looking forward to this babe above all others.

The set up on this movie is pretty funny. We can just laugh at the silly moms and dads who bring lists with them as they turn their daughters over to the smut makers in Porn Valley. Some of the things on the lists are silly, but a lot of the items should be taken to heart. We could probably make porn better across the board if a few of these simple rules were followed. There are some cute chicks here and a few really good scenes. As much as I love Tia, her scene is actually a bit of a let down. Adrianna is really cute and probably gives the best overall scene of the movie. Aubrey and Addison are also cute teens who disobey they loving parents as they give us something to stroke to. This is a solid movie that could be better, but is certainly worth picking up. Just make sure you have some lube nearby because you just might need it.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06