I know that swallowing is all the rage and people love it. I'm not opposed to watching it myself in fact. Chico Wang's facials-only policy always makes me smile. Not because I think he really gives a shit about whether or not people actually like facials. Some of us actually like the good old days when a porn guy would blast a pretty face, but that's not the point here. It's another Wang vehicle that mixes tiny remnants of the old Anabolic/Diabolic style with his Jackass porn style. He is fortunate enough to be shooting for a company that can still pull in some of the hottest girls in porn. That makes it worth sitting through a whole lot of drunken frat boy antics to get to the good stuff. There is a lot of stuff going on that strays from the core porn values that made these companies great, but I suppose people have to compete in the new porn landscape.

First up is Jasmine Tame. She and Chico talk for a while about the importance of jizz on the face and how he is really doing her a favor. Talon and Jay Ashley jump in and fuck her face for a few minutes. There isn't enough room in her mouth for two at a time, so Jay bends her over and fucks her pussy while she works her tongue around Talon's ass. They keep talking about her tight her pussy is, but apparently want something even tighter. The DP footage is pretty good here, but the first pop is barely a drop for her face. Shot number two is better and true to form, she doesn't swallow anything.

Jessi Summers doesn't say a word during her tease. We watch her oil up her butt instead. I don't think anyone is going to complain about that. Steve Holmes shows up and helps apply more oil to her sweet young body. That makes it easier for his cock to slide into her wet little slot. Her pussy handles his cock a lot better than her mouth. I like the way this scene is shot and Jessi is good looking, but something just seems to be missing. After a quick scene and a good facial, the dirty blonde needs more. Chico brings in a mope squad and they coat her face from chin to forehead with several loads. Once she has been covered in cream, Jessi does her interview with Chico. She talks about her first facial and then gets another line of guys to drop loads on her face.

Tiger gets right to the action after one silly little list of where we can't cum and the inexplicable addition of the “whaaaaa” that is as universally annoying as it is enigmatic. This is a very cute girl so once when get done shaking our heads at that stupid line we can enjoy watching her get fucked by two hard dicks. Unfortunately Tiger is a big time quagger and Jay Ashley has decided that he needs to become a talker. He throws out the word “daddy” like he's working in a P4P flick and that manages to overtake what is a pretty nice little scene. You might want to turn the sound down a bit and just enjoy this hot chick as she gets pounded. Otherwise you might have to ask yourself this question. Which is more of a wood kill? Hearing a girl fake gag a mallard with esophageal cancer or listening to her say “I need daddy to fuck my ass.” Sometimes it is possible to add too much to something that should be simple.

Nollie is another cute girl who is about to get her face creamed. Chico makes mention of her lovely 32c breasts, but doesn't seem all that impressed. Instead he sticks a finger in her pussy and then turns her loose on Steve Holmes and Tony T. Steve goes about his job quietly like a professional while Tony does his usual stuff. (Though in this scene he is not nearly as loud and overbearing as Jay.) There really isn't much joy in this scene. It's one thing when a girl looks glazed over, but when the guys seem bored and disinterested, then what the fuck are we watching for? If the male talent is disinterested in the female talent then it ends up mechanical and rather boring. If you (as a performer or director) absolutely have to choke and slap a girl to get through a non-rough scene then that tells us all we need to know. Sorry guys, I've never been interested in the “what can we get them to do for a buck” school of smut. I know some people like it, but if we have to sit through all this crap just to get to good facials, then we are better off watching pop shot comps.

There are a number of shorter scenes thrown in here. We get some cum swapping, POV blowjobs and other stuff that just feel out of place. Usually they would be mixed in through the action or saved for bonus material.

Mulaan Wang is a very pretty Asian girl who is playing some kind of odd game with Chico. They talk about him being her daddy and how he “beat the shit” out of her at fifteen when he took her virginity. The “Blue Velvet” factor is so high here that it somehow makes anything that could follow seem impossibly non-creepy. Holmes and Brian Surewood get their cocks into this little cutie, but we still have to wonder just what segment of the stroke crowd Chico is playing to. The actual sex is pretty hot as now three guys rail away on the petite young thing. It's a pretty hot scene on that level and features three big facials for little Mulaan.

Amber Michaels is the last girl to get her into the action. We know that she can handle anything at all so I don't think we should worry to much about Jay hurting her with his hard thrusting. As he has throughout the movie Jay takes things in a director that no male performer should. Am I the only who is bothered by the guys talking so much that the we can't even enjoy the women? I know that some people point to contemporary porn as highly homo-erotic and maybe this is part of that. Holmes just does his job, shoving his cock way into Trina and helping Jay pump both of her orifices full of hard dick. On that level, this scene is good. Trina really works hard to make things hot and she's got those big tits that are just flopping everywhere. The facial is good and you have to wonder why Chico throws so much sideshow stuff into what could be a great sex scene.

I'm not sure what it was, but this movie just seemed disjointed. Maybe it was the way the scenes were spaced so that a lot of the non-core scenes were bunched together. There are other problems as well, but obviously this movie will appeal to those who dig Chico's flavor. There doesn't seem to be any join in the action, no real love of sex or even a vague appreciation of the beauty of a well-shot fuck scene. The girls are cute, but mostly seem to be going through the motions. Making matters worse, the male talent (Some of them anyway) get in the way of the sex. All of the slapping, choking and non-stop male babble can't replace actual sexual heat. Of course sexual heat isn't really the point in Chico's movie. They are all about what he can get a girl to do for a buck. Maybe I'm just not quite that jaded yet. The addition of this mindset takes what should be a pretty good stroke and turns it into something akin to tossing a silver dollar into a spittoon just to see if Dean Martin will dig it out. Worse than that, it makes for a pretty boring three hours.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06