Greg Dark has been making cutting edge porn videos since Max Hardcore had hair, Ron Jeremy had only made a thousand videos and other prominent directors Paul Thomas, John Leslie and John Staglliano were still getting their kicks in front of the lens. The mastermind behind such 80's smut classics as New Wave Hookers, White BunBusters and TailEnders was a logical addition for Evil Angel when they decided to expand the "Evil Empire." Always providing the hottest sex with a healthy dose of laughter, Dark Bros. Videos were the standard by which porn was judged. Does the wildest director in porn still have the old magic? How does he stack up in a world filled with Buttman, Seymore, Max, Bruce and Leslie? Let's find out.

The opening credits of Snake Pit introduce us to the female cast members in quick cut, fast paced manner. They look like MTV as we wish it could be. Now, let's get this straight, since it is bound to come up again. I love this style for the intros. The music is good, the cast is hot and the rock video style works to get me interested in the video to come. (Not to mention that it always helps identify each of these lovely ladies, especially when so many of them are relatively new.) My love affair with Dark's wanna be MTV style, however wears thin the second I have to try and concentrate on either the plot or the sex.

Trying to focus as images flash across the screen at break neck speed is confusing, deeply disturbing and brilliant when Oliver Stone does it in NBK, however, when one is sitting down to watch an X flick, it is nothing short of obnoxious. Let me see if I can capsulize things a bit. Four guys, dressed in bad gangster get ups, are rolling dice in an alley in broad daylight. They are playing for what appears to be plastic bones and rubber skeletons (Back away from the symbolism literature majors, this is a porno.) Intermixed with this litanous collage of flash imagery is Kim Katiane, explaining that she is not a slut, and why she likes moderate pain to "Get her going." OK, now that we are all aboard the perplexity express, anyone care for peanuts?

Now, all four men join the sexy blonde in a warehouse turned bedroom where it is time to put her through her porn paces. Kim, while not a raving beauty, is quite sexy and has a lovely juicy pussy. She spends a good deal of time during her mini gang bang, sort of passively sitting there and letting the men go at her. Still, I was enjoying this scene for a few minutes, until Dark had to go Ollie on me and quick cut a dozen or more frames every time he wanted to change shots. Look, I enjoy a little creativity in my porn, more so than many of you do, but still, the focus has to be on the women and the sex, not on strobe cuts that give the viewer a headache faster than a hardon.

When the strobe effect is not going, the sex is not bad. Kim looks pretty hot and seems enjoy being royally drilled by the small group of admirers. Each man takes his turn plowing her pussy and then dumping his load on her tummy or her ass. This scene could have been passable had Dark just focused on Kim and the action. Too much art and not enough fucking if you ask me. Oh, the glory of what could have been.

Up next are Mia and Leah who, in between more alley shots of the gamblers explain about their views on Hell and Evil and what makes them Euro-Sluts. The pair of English impaired women take time out for a tasty pussy snack. After a bit of standard, unimpressive lesbian sex, TT Boy enters with a bit of meat for the ladies. The following threesome is standard fair and noticeable only for the lack of intrusive video effects that ruined the opening scene. Neither lady is all that good looking, nor do they exude any special heat. As if to emphasize how bland and lifeless this sex scene is TT, dons an Al Gore mask. (Now THAT is appropriate, although I doubt Al ever keeps Tipper awake long enough to even get past foreplayGoreplay? Boreplay? Whatever.) No anal and a moderate facial taken my Mia make for an average at best scene.

Laura Palmer, who looks a bit like Tammi Ann, is next to tell us why she is a slut. To illustrate this, she is visited poolside by Alex Sanders who emerges from the water in full dress suit. (OK, this was only semi-annoying when Ric Ocasek did it in 1985, but here it just falls in the 'What the fuck?' category.) There is less than five seconds between Alex's exit from the water and the start of the sex, which is nice considering how good Laura looks in her little bikini. She makes especially good eye contact while giving what certainly seems to be an outstanding blowjob. Once again, when it's time for the fucking to begin, out comes the Al Gore mask. Come on, could there be anything less attractive than the idea that someone like the VP could bone a woman this hot looking? God, if that doesn't distract your hard on right away.. Other than the damn mask, the pair engage in a well shot and above average poolside coupling, with lovely Laura riding Alex hard in some R.C. anal. The mostly mouth facial is a nice capper on the best scene thus far.

After the obligatory annoyance of MTV cuts in the back alley coupled with a dozen or so images thrown in for our pleasure, we are treated to an incredibly lovely brunette, Selena. She struggles a bit to get through her dialog about why some women like rough sex (Calling Max Hardcore, your prom date has arrived.) however, it's hard to take your eyes off this very beautiful young woman. Two of the back alley gamblers, looking like the Blue Brothers, join Selena on her couch where they take turns getting head from this cutie and rimming her ass. Either way, the boys are in for a treat as Selena looks like quite a tasty treat indeed. Real tit lovers will rejoice in the perfect way her all natural boobs bounce about wildly as she takes a good pounding from her partners. With no distracting camera hijinx and no lame rubber masks to hide behind, this scene stands on its sexual heat, of which there is a moderate amount. No anal and weak pop shots finish what should have been near great in less than good fashion.

Dawn Burning mumbles something that I couldn't make out on three tries, so I gave up. Thrown in for good measure is what appears to be a Ross Perot mask. (Please!) Dawn and her stud pair off in a bathtub full of water, but the semi romantic setting is in no way indicative of the standard one on one fuck and suck scene that follows. Nothing about Ms. Burning, or this scene moves me in any way. Even her costar can't seem to manage a full hard on as he sprays a half erect, weak cum shot on her face. As an apparent afterthought, Dawn gets an inexplicable ass boning that is somewhat more exciting than her earlier pairing.

Roxanne Hall is next up and she explains why she feels she is destined to go to Hell. Lovely story of her arrest for public buggery back in merry old England. True? Who knows. Who cares? Top that off with an even better story of a lover who caned her to the point of needing stitches. (Who let Jamie Gillis out?) Her thoughts on the need by women to be dirty and humiliated is the capper. Geez, is this what the X industry really wants to send out? Isn't this just the sort of ammunition the Andrea Dworkin's of the world are looking for? (OK, off the soapbox, after all, Roxanne is one hot woman.)

This time, three of the oddly dressed dice shooters come in and dive right into this English Muffin. Roxanne, for her part, is very vocal, letting loose a stream of very sexy dialog. (Calling Max, remember when you used to shut the fuck up long enough to let the women talk?) The three man tag team do a great job at keeping Ms. Hall very busy fucking and sucking their cocks raw. Her response to their rather rough treatment (Hands off the throat is better for my taste.) is to rise up and buck her hips, wildly fucking them back. She shows her capacity for cock by taking two in her pussy (Something that I never did find all that attractive.) and then a good long ass fucking that is the best thing shot in the entire video. Roxanne is one hot looking lady who knows how to go all out for the camera. The triple facials that cap this scene off are nothing short of fantastic as Roxanne bathes in goo. It is a great way to end this tape, far and away the hottest scene here.

Overall Snake Pit fails on most levels. The quick cut, bizarre visuals are more distracting than enhancing. The underlying tone can only be described as overly masoganitstic at best and downright degrading at worst. All of this might be overlooked to some extent if the sex were as good as Dark has provided in the past. However, even on this most basic level, it fails. With the exception of Hall and Selena, none of the women rise above the mediocre level, with only Ms. Hall sparking any real fire. Watch it for her and only here, unless watching a bunch of pseudo-Reservoir Dogs meets Blues Brothers looking yahoos tossing oversized dice in a back alley for rubber bones. (Someone explain that whole fucking deal to me and I'll give you my fucking house.) My best advice, skip Snake Pit and find someone who has old copies of New Wave Hookers, White BunBusters or Let Me Tell Ya' Bout Black Chicks.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06