Steve DiMurio's Rating:

Here's a new DVD from Metro Home Video. Part of their, "Euro Babes" series, one assumes. Directed by Frank Thring (who, in this particular case, is the guy that holds the consumer-grade video camera), this is a porno film with the only thing going for it is that it was shot in Europe. No production value. Frankly, Frank, no production.

Here's how this titillating-less title was made: grab some Eastern European adult film talent (the word "talent" being used only in the general sense), take them to a hotel room, whip out the video camera, take off clothes, shoot a video. Sounds like an amateur video, but it isn't only because the "talent" isn't amateur. Other than that, it might as well have been.

Each sequence (and there are only a few – this DVD was a rip-off, it was waaay too short, particularly for a compilation) begins with a much-too-long outdoor sequence on whatever Eastern European street they were near, as if to say, "Hey, look here! This is really Europe! We weren't kidding! Isn't this amazing?" Other than that, it's no different from any other adult compilation video. Guys and girls having sex. More generic "talent": Dylvia, Nici Taylor, Katka, Jessica, Shelly Elson, Dolly Foster, Amanda, Attilla, Pal (what kind of name, even a fake one, is "Pal"?), Lucy and Alexa are just some of the names that appear on the box to this title. One guy has sex with one girl in a hotel room. One guy has sex with two girls in another hotel room. Two guys have sex with one girl in yet another hotel room. Two guys have sex with two girls in a smallish apartment.

Bla, bla, bla.

The most entertaining part of the video wasn't the video itself, it was cameraman/director Frank Thring. As this ultra-cheapie is being made, Frank, holding the camera, tells the girls what he wants them to do, asks questions, even reaches into the frame (while still holding the camera—in fact, it's all shot handheld) to fondle one of the girl's tits! At times, the tips of his shoes get in frame, but Frankie doesn't care. I got the idea Frank was part of the "talent," too.

Once again, nothing the least bit hot, erotic or sexy about any of the action. (Note to the editors of Talking Blue: please, please, PLEASE get me either something erotic, something with really hot babes or something really nasty [but not too nasty—see my first review]. It's difficult to write a decent length review when you have nothing to say about it. Review I wanted to write: Euro Babe 5 – blah. I'm bored. )

The biggest insult I can make to this title is this: I've seen hotter action on SpectraVision in my hotel room.

Please, Metro, make a decent DVD! And to all other adult DVD producers/distributors: when are you going to use the "camera" feature on a DVD??? I'm waiting!

Posted By Steve DiMurio, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM