Take your seats, class is in session. Your wizened and worldly Professor is back with a review of a video from our friends at Vivid Video, home to the staggeringly beautiful, almost-supermodel quality, Vivid Girls.

Now Vivid movies are clearly not for everyone; in fact, if one were to follow the postings in the more vociferous porn newsgroups, you would see that although the Vivid lines are incredibly popular sales-wise and are the staples of the soft X pay-per-view and Playboy Channel market, many of porn's vocal fans will argue that Vivid cranks out only the most sugarcoated of porn.

Their arguement that, although Vivid does have some of the hottest poon in the industry, the plots are often overblown and ponderous, the sex lacking heat, and the starlets affect a primadonna attitude (read: standoffishness) indicating that they would rather be off galavanting around the world with an ex-member of Motley Crue.

And in the case of "Amnesiac", they would have a point.

The fact that the movie features one of the most beautiful women to ever grace the porn world (Janine) does not save this dud from fizzling.

The formulaic storyline revolves around a porn actress with a rigid set of standards wherein she will not perform onscreen with male talent and, even more importantly, will not even consider letting her ass cavity get probed. Now is it Art Imitates Life or the other way around?

When said actress bumps herself on the medulla oblongata and develops the Hollywood version of amnesia (the Gilligan's Island variety), snakey porn producer/director Herschel Savage is quick to capitalize on the situation and take advantage of his popular starlet. Of course, this is where the storyline gets called into question. Anyone even remotely familiar with the porn industry knows that all porn producers and directors are of such a virtuous rectitude that such a thing as taking advantage of an actress not completely in command of her full faculties is pure Hollywood malarkey.

But if you really believe that this is the video where Janine finally does a guy, let alone lets him plunder her unplucked bung, well, don't you think you would be reading this review in the News section of the site if that were the case? Needless to say, one need not have completed the Syd Field course in screenwriting to predict the less-than-satisfactory outcome of the video.

Along the way we are treated to scenes of Savage savaging Janine's housemaid, played by an even-hotter-than-normal Dee. Also worth watching without a thumb on the fast forward scan button is a fairly sexy scene where Janine gets a full exam at the latex-gloved hand of Randi Rage.

But these highlights aren't enough to carry the entire movie. Of course, just as there is no such thing as bad pizza, even the worst Vivid film is a Vivid and has more than it's share of extremely attractive women. One can do a lot worse than to pop in the tape, turn down the volume and just appreciate the fact that ladies of Janine's caliber grace us by baring it all for the camera.

Otherwise, do yourself a favor and forget "Amnesiac".

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06