This is the latest installment of the World's Biggest Gang Bang line of videos. From Annabelle Chong, to Jasmin St. Claire and now to Houston. I have to admit, when Ms. Chong did it, I was intrigued. She has never been remotely attractive to me, but the freak show factor sucked me right in. After watching this movie, I was sure my curiosity had been satiated. After all, what we got, was a pretty horrid four hours of guys lining up to fuck a woman you couldn't pay me to bone. When Jasmin St. Claire took her turn, I watched again, figuring I would at least get to watch a good looking woman get nailed. That movie was little more than seventy or so guys standing around jerking off. Now comes Houston, a woman I find only slightly more appealing than Annabelle, doing 620 guys. Keep in mind, the concept of gang bang math. Fifty or so guys fucked Annabelle and they called it 250. Seventy five nailed Jasmin and they called it 300, so if we're lucky, maybe 100 guys will spend the day beating off waiting to stick it into Houston. Regardless of who many are actually on hand, the plan was for the blonde performer to take on 500 guys and shatter the gang bang record. Will she succeed? Will she drop dead of exhaustion before she makes it? Will the sight of all those guys jerking off, scare the hard on right of us? Only one way to find out.

Before we begin, we get a long tour of the pre-bang festivities. Ron Jeremy goes over the rules for the gang bang and while I like Ronnie, his shtick is getting a little tired. What should have taken two minutes, ends up dragging on for close to ten. After that, director Greg Alves explains the reasons for this gang bang. Porn today is about creating events, and that's what they are trying to do here. They talk a lot about how many guys are there, but stop short of actually giving us a number. I'd say you say they have a hundred on hand. This brings me to my point about the gang bang math. If a hundred guys bang Houston, why not just say 100? Go back to the first few bangs. Is it not enough to have fifty guys fucking a chick? A topic for another time I suppose. Next, Ron makes the rounds, interviewing a number of guys in line. This is a little bit like watching a train wreck. It's interesting if you've always wondered what sort of guy would travel great distance, risk personal embarrassment, professional ridicule and the loss of girlfriends/wives, just for a piece of prehistoric poontang. (Come on, how many of these guys have ever had a woman in their real lives?)

Here come the fluffer girls and you know what, a number of these women are more appealing than the gangbang girl. (Rule number one, don't make the fullers hotter than the star.) After a quick introduction, which is rather annoying since we can't hear a word anyone is saying, the fluff girls get busy sucking cock. I understand they made a movie with just the fuller girls, and I would really like to see the footage. Some of these girls are very enthusiastic cock suckers and just take all comers into their mouths.

In comes Houston, the woman that every guy in this movie has called "Beautiful" "Gorgeous" "Totally Hot" and other such wonderfully complimentary terms. Well, she does have big boobs and some really long hair extensions. Oh yeah, and the car looks really hot. The fluff girls strap on some cocks and each get a shot at the busty blonde before the guys do. I know a lot of you are waiting for me to make some crack about Houston's age, but I'm giving her a break here. What I do want to know is who did her make up and why they decided to spray paint the shit on so thick that she looks tired before we even begin? If she really is as pretty as everyone says, then why make her up like an over the hill street hooker?

When the plastic cock is done, the professional dick comes in for their shot. They get a couple of minutes pounding her pussy, but she seems about as interested in what she's doing as a toll both collector. Is this sexy to anyone? Seriously. She has apparently prohibited facials, so the guys fuck her, then move around to shoot on her boobs. Like the other gang bangs, a lot of the footage is from the action around the room since a line of guys popping in for a quickie then moving along. Somehow, watching the clinical way she has to keep lubing then wiping up and the constant cries of "Next" coming from the background kill whatever erotic moments there might be.

This collection of amateur bangers makes me really appreciate the professional cocksman we usually see in porn. In a short segment we get one guy who can't get hard enough to stick it in Houston, but manages to wank to a weak pop. He is followed by a dude who has had that fat injection surgery done to his dick. Yeah, it's thicker, but the fucking thing looks diseased. If you had those sort of love handles anywhere else on your body, you would be paying to have them sucked out. Besides, that thing looks as natural as the heavy bags strapped to Houston's chest. Then in comes this guy who looks like a walking lizard. Oh shit, that's not an amateur guy, that's Valentino. Houston says she decided to switch to doggy at this moment to give her back a rest. Come on, we all know she did it so she wouldn't have to look at that grille. Yuck, growth penis is back, jerking for a long time and really ruining my dinner with that hideous member.

You know, I feel for Houston during this whole thing. It can't be easy to lie back and let this collection of guys have their few seconds with her. So many of them can't get decent wood, you know it can't be a picnic for her. I guess she's doing something that not everyone can do (Or would want to) but you can't really blame her for not being at her very best the whole time. At least she takes most of the guys one at a time, so we don't have to watch a whole lot of hairy man ass like we did on the other bangs. Actually, the best footage comes when Houston gets on top of Valentino and starts fucking him. Too bad we don't get it for too long before moving on.

The big difference between this sort of gang bang and the stuff shot by Anabolic or Elegant Angel is the focus of the movie. In those other bangs, it's all about a girl being fucked by a dozen or so dudes. Here, the focus never stays on the sex for very long. There is so much going on around Houston that takes up camera time. This footage is not very tightly edited so we get endless shots of people's backs, spectators and dudes mugging for the camera. I wonder what this would look like if you cut it tightly and just work on the fucking and the pops. To tie the record, Houston takes her very first anal. He's got a really big cock and to Houston's credit, she is smiling as she gets fucked. Hey, this even looks pretty good. The record breaking cumshot comes from an AVN writer, Mickey Ramone. Watching him interviewed by Jeremy should dispel the rumors that Rog is the ugliest fucker currently reviewing porn films.

We're already at well over two hours and still the guys line up to take their shots, fucking and popping like an assembly line. Again, I'm going to praise Houston for being able to keep a smile on her face. Unlike Jasmin, who sucked most of the guys at some point, Houston does nearly all of her work with her pussy, making it all the more likely she didn't do a lot of sitting for the week or so after this bang. Once we get over four hundred, she starts sucking one guy while fucking another. This gives us a few solid minutes where the action is all on the fucking and sucking and you could almost call this a stroker video for a bit. If the whole movie were cut like this, I think we might have had something.

We can tell the end is near when Ron Jeremy gets fluffed a bit then moves in for the final fuck. It's been a long, hard road for Houston, but give her credit once again for taking it all in stride. He counts down from twenty and fires his load right on cue, proving that after all these years, the Hedgehog is still the master.

Alves said he wanted to create and event, and I'll give him credit for doing just that. There is a freak show factor to this movie that makes it hard not to watch. However, there is maybe five minutes of strokeable sex action in this whole thing. Houston just lies back and lets a bunch of half limp guys stick it in her for a minute or so. Now, I'm going to do you a favor the makers of this movie didn't and cut this short. Everything that can be said, has been said. Watch this if you want side show stuff, but don't expect to be remotely aroused for even five seconds.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06