Critics often talk about artistic porn. I guess Vivid was listening, but only got half the message. What we have here is porn about an artist. Jonathan Morgan stars in what is billed as the true story of Michaelangelo, Wait, maybe this is the porn version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Going on the assumption that it is actually the story of the artist, using Dyanna Lauren as the lead is a good move since her body is as perfect as any sculpture. Also if you pay attention, you will see an early appearance by Jenna Jameson in the Bud Lee feature.

As we open, Michaelangelo, (Morgan) is trying to sculpt a nude Marc Wallice. When the 'Big Guy' wants a ceiling painted, the renowned artist is hesitant at first, but can't refuse the huge price tag attached to the project. With nothing better to do, the model and the assistant (Nikki Randall) decide to make their own art. Nikki really looks beautiful here, proving that some women can make porn comebacks and not lose any of their luster. Marc finds his way under her clothes and goes to work munching her muffin. Nikki shows she also still knows how to treat a dick like it's a warm flesh popsicle. Given the recent popularity of period pieces, this well shot scene should fulfill most of your 'Elizabeth' fantasies, though I'll wager Kate Blanchett never looked this good on her best day. The painter's sister, (Dyanna Lauren) watches from the bushes and Marc does his best to fill her with his little dick.

Michaelangeo goes to meet the Pope while his sister is stuck at home, unable to practice her art. The Pope, (Joey Silvera) explains to Morgan about the project. Listening to these guys do on in their accents is pretty funny, but unintentionally so. Morgan sounds like a combination of Father Guido Sarduchi and that little Asian manicurist on Mad TV. As their conversation goes on, Anna Malle explains to Dyanna how she much free herself sexually if she ever want to be allowed to be a great artist. (Sounds like a pretty lame pick up line to me, but it works.) Again, someone is watching from nearby. This time, the young Jenna watches as Anna tugs Dyanna's dress down and feasts on her luscious breasts. Interesting thing to note, apparently in 1508, some women had tattoos and breast implants. While Anna laps away at pussy, Jenna gets her own slit warmed up with some finger fun. It's a pretty low heat scene, which is rather surprising since both Dyanna and Anna are capable of breaking loose big time. Rather than leave Jenna out, Anna plants a big wet kiss on her lips The pretty young blonde seems to really trip Anna's switches, because things pick up considerably.

Worrying about the size of the job, Morgan gets some much needed stress relief from Anna, who has a secondary motivation. In between deep strokes on his cock, she plants the idea that he needs some help with a job of this size. Anna doesn't need any help with a cock of any size and proves it my making it all vanish into her mouth. To make things a little more interesting, they bring Nikki into the mix for a nice three way. If two heads are better than one, then two women giving head has to be just about the best thing imaginable. He does his best to keep both women happy, alternating back and forth between two very wet pussies. Anna face becomes the target for his load and she takes it quite happily.

Dyanna is sad. She wants her own work and is tired of being a virgin. Anna tries to get her in to see the Pope, and this forces some totally stupid dialog on us. Porn dialog scenes are pretty annoying as it is, but when they are this flat and unfunny, they are particularly painful. Rejected, Dyanna sits by the side of the road crying. Along comes Colt Steele and her virginity issues are out the window. He takes her on a hillside and gently shows her the ways of womanhood. Suddenly, they are inside and he's between her thighs. This is very pretty sex, but it really lacks heat. Lee doesn't even have suck cock for more than a minute before the penetration. Even the close-ups are rather dull. It takes an especially bad day by a director to make Dyanna less than hot.

The plot at this point is doing nothing but getting in the way. While I enjoy a good story in my smut, I can't stand when they get in the way. Moving forward, Dyanna finally gets to see the Pope, only he really isn't the Pope. No big deal, it takes us to a Lauren/Silvera sex scene. At least this time we get to watch her suck cock for a bit, providing us with the best sexual action of the movie thus far. Even still, the fucking is quite subdued. Perhaps Lee thinks this makes for a good couples film, but to me, it's a waste of a dynamic performer and he should be ashamed. By the time he pulls out and cums on her belly, I can wonder is why a virgin has a tattoo on her coochie.

Nice costumes aside, there isn't much in this movie to like. The plot is silly, the dialog annoying and way too long. Worse than that, the sex isn't even any good. Nikki Randall gives the best scene in the movie, which is pretty shocking considering how incredible Dyanna Lauren usually is. For some reason, though she looks great here, her scenes lack heat. It takes a pretty serious fuck up by a director to make one of porn's hottest women fizzle. Maybe this movie works for couples, but for everyone else, pick a different Dyanna movie and enjoy it.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 11/1/06

J-man's Rating:

Starring: Dyanna Lauren, Anna Malle, Nikki Randall, Jenna Jameson, Jonathan Morgan, Joey Silvera, Marc Wallice, Colt Steele
There is a hot g/g seen w/ Dyanna Lauren and Anna Malle in the beggining of the film. Dyanna is supposed to be a virgin, so Anna is "showing her the ropes. " Then Anna leaves Dyanna and goes to work on Jenna Jameson while Dyanna watches.
Dyanna turns in a stellar performance, as usual. She is involved in most all of the films scenes.

The production of the film is average. The sound is alright and the camera work is a little better than some films I've seen.

The film is pretty hot if you are a Dyanna Lauren fan, and I am. You get to see her in most positions and there's a facial as well.

Dyanna, what else. As I said, she is awesome in this film. I especially like her in the scene with Anna Malle. It is VERY hot.

It takes a little longer than most films to get to the SEX. There are also a few scenes in between sex that are a little long.

On the scale of 1 to 10 I would say that this film gets an 8. It is hot, but I have seen better. The main down fall is the attempted acting between sex. Other than that it is pretty hot, and a must for Dyanna Lauren fans.

Posted By J-man, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM