Roger's Rating:

Well, here we are again, another celebrity home video. First it was Tonya Harding in a poorly lit fuckfest with that scumbag husband of hers. Then it was a coked out Mimi McPherson (Sister of super model Elle) in a hotel with her even scummier Aussie beau. Then things started to get even more interesting. World famous celebrity/actress/model Pamela Anderson Lee had some tapes of she and her husband 'stolen' from their home. That tape pretty much made more news than anything in porn since a certain teen scammer blew the whistle on herself about a decade ago. Now, the latest in this growing line of celebrity sex tapes hits the streets. (Or at least a copy hit my VCR so I can tell you all about it.) Long time girls-only porn queen Janine in a little Hawaiian vacation footage with rocker Vince Neil. (Who happens to be from the same band that brought us Pam's hubby Tommy Lee. See how nicely this all comes together.)

What most people, me included found hard to watch in the Pam/Tommy tapes, was the excessive and inane shit around the sexual action. There is plenty of non sex at the start of this tape as well, but we are not buried in "I love you baby" "I love YOU baby" BS. Instead, Janine, her cute friend and Vince do some frolicking on the beach for a bit. Even in her bikini, Janine is nearly too sexy for words. Holy shit.

After the fun in the sun, we get to take a little ride in a helicopter over the lovely Hawaiian Islands. I know, it ain't smut, but is sure is beautiful. (And it beats the hell out of seeing Tommy Lee in make up.) More to the liking of you porn hounds out there is the first pussy shot. Oh wait, that's a CAT! Never mind. You know, watching Janine prance around in a thong makes it worth sitting through Vince's narration of the Hawaiian sights. The first sex comes in a nice secluded cave with Vince getting a quickie blowjob from the other girl.

As the vacation continues, they sit through a really cheesy luau show. Nice to see that even the rich and famous get suckered into this sort of thing. At least we get to see Janine trying to learn how to hula. Can you imagine being all liquored up at some tourist trap show and checking out the betty on stage and realizing it Janine. What a mixture of excitement and horror.

After a long evening of doing tourist things, and nearly forty five minutes of non sexual action, it's time for you to all see what you've been waiting for. Janine stands over Vince and shoots him as she strokes his cock, whispering things to her that are a bit hard to understand. Then she has him lie on his back and the real fun begins. There can be no doubt, with the camera position and lighting set up the way it is, that this session was meant as a video keepsake for one of them. (Three guesses which one?) At forty six minutes into the tape, the moment millions have been waiting for occurs, a hard cock enters Janine's mouth and there it stays. Janine must be commended for her impressive sword swallowing here. It's more than just the thrill factor, this woman knows how to suck dick. Oh, and by the way, for those wondering how Vince measure up. Well, I've seen Tommy Lee and Vince is no Tommy Lee, that's for sure.

You have to love the way Janine plays this for the camera, looking into it, using her on camera skills to keep everything well framed as they 69 for a while. She turns around so that her ass and pussy are right in the camera as Vince brings her off with his tongue. Great shot. When it's time to fuck, Janine rides Vince, once again, grinding her ass in perfect view and looking back over her shoulder. Wow, this is a beautiful woman. After a few minutes of this, Janine pulls a quick dismount to suck her own cum off Vince's rod. If you can read lips, you will catch "I love to taste my pussy on your cock." That's it, a million viewers just spewed loads at the same moment.

The reverse cowgirl looks even better as Janine spreads her pussy while she slides up and down on his rod. This has to make everyone want to see her do the same to Peter North or Rocco or any one of dozen other porn studs. When he puts her on her back and starts really fucking, things get out of frame a bit so we seen Vince's ass and Janine's legs. I'm sure you feet fans will go nuts since her feet are center shot. The other girl, who looks a lot like Drew Barrymore and Janine keeps calling Brandy, gets involved in the action. Eventually, this woman lies on top of Vince while he fucks Janine. You can't see much, but she sure is a vocal fuck. They all switch places so that Brandy is on top of Janine while Vince fucks her from behind. At least they move the camera so the angel changes. Too bad most of what we see now is his ass.

Janine ends up playing director after a while, taking the camera and capturing the action as Vince slams Brandy. Not to complain, but why wasn't Brandy taking the camera when Janine was getting the dick? That would have bee nice. No cum shot to close things out, but we do get to watch as Vince films Janine fingering her pussy. Brandy brings in a vibrator with equal parts finger fucking and battery operated fun, the blonde sex Goddess climaxes

For those people hoping to see Janine bust loose and become the cock crazed nymph we've always wanted her to be, might be a bit disappointed that she doesn't go Debi Diamond on us. However, if you just always wanted to see the cover girl face take a dick, or that million dollar pussy stuffed with a flesh pole, then this is your chance. (Likely your only chance.) Unlike that other celeb video, fully half of the tape is sex. The non-sex is pretty cool, with lovely scenery and Janine showing the same sort of presence she has shown in her porn career. The sex is good beyond the obvious appeal of seeing Janine stuffed with sausage. Then again, just watching her with a guy is more than worth giving this a go. For me, I loved it, even if it did make me want to see Janine hook up with some professional cocksman in the very near future.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM

Dr. Sammy's Rating:

Starring: The title of this "home video" should tell you this. Janine is certainly an attractive woman, but I think I've grown accustomed to seeing her in lesbian porn (definitely something she does more than well!) She gets into the sex fairly well, and it does SOUND as though she is having a decent time.
Vince is not exactly an appealing person to me in any way, shape, or form. I think fans of Motley Crue might be drawn to this video for novelty purposes.

I don't think a great deal of "production" was actually involved. Set up a video camera on a tripod and hop on the bed with your partner, and your production values will equal those in this film.

"Eroticism" is a term I wouldn't use to describe the exploits of Vince and Janine. This is pretty straightforward screwing with little foreplay and less arousal.

It was moderately cool to see Janine paired up with a guy I don't typically see in porn. I'm not a fan of hard rock, but this film in a way confirms all those rumors about rock stars getting it on with their choice of babes (if only I had a band!)

Poor camera work here. From time to time, the screen blurs and the angles shift awkwardly, much like a homemade video might be. When the sex actually begins, the view is more stable, but it is shot from a single perspective.
Another thing that really bothered me was the fact that another woman takes part in the physical exchange, but her face is digitally scrambled, and therefore all that comes near her face becomes scrambled as well. This was quite irritating.

Big time Janine fans and/or Vince Neil followers will probably rank this better than I will, but all things considered (less than average camera work, the "mystery woman" who accompanies Janine, and too many looks at Vince Neil's ass), I'm going to go with a In my view, this one needs a mile-long step ladder to approach mediocrity.

Posted By Dr. Sammy, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM